Neighborhood of Make-Believe

[ornoth_cycling]

You’d think a ride visiting every recognized neighborhood in the city would be fairly straightforward… but it’s not.

No, actually it’s one of the hardest rides I’ve done. First, there are no less than 90 neighborhoods, separated by Pittsburgh’s canonical three rivers. That means it’s going to be a long ride: about 120 km, in fact. Also remember that this is the hilliest city in America, so the route has to pack in over 2,000 meters of climbing (over 1¼ miles of vertical elevation, for the primitives in the audience). Combine the two, and you’re talking a minimum 8+ hours in the saddle. Plus it used to be held in the worst of August’s heat.

Although I debated whether I really wanted to, in the end there was no choice but to do this year’s Every Neighborhood Ride (ENR).

The handful of finishers at Arsenal Park

Riders gathering at Doughboy Square

Riding along the Allegheny on Pittsburgh's North Side

Why? First, it would be something entertaining to do while my partner Inna was out of town for a week. Second, the date got moved from the heat of summer to early October, which would make it a lot easier. Plus, although I loyally rode in 2016, 2017, and 2018, I missed the 2019 ride while up in Michigan doing LHT, and it wasn’t held in the Covid years of 2020 and 2021. And if missing the ride for three years wasn’t reason enough, riding a few miles farther would also allow me to complete my sixth century of 2022.

So Saturday I found myself on the road at 7:20am, pedaling the short 6 km down to Doughboy Square in a very chilly 5°C. I’d donned most of my cold-weather riding gear, including full-fingered gloves and my priceless thermal cycling jacket and bib tights.

About two dozen riders gathered there and chatted before perfunctory instructions and our roll-out. Within a block the group had split, with about ten riders speeding ahead in Jake’s fast group. I maintained the self-discipline to stick to my plan of staying with Jen’s slow group, having paid the price in previous years for over-exerting myself chasing Jake.

The first leg saw us cross the Allegheny to touch Pittsburgh’s North Side neighborhoods, then make a very quick trip across the Ohio and back to set foot in the West End. A dozen kilometers in, we faced our first long climb – East Street – where I got ahead of the group and waited at the top. After a screaming descent down Marshall Ave., we finished up the North Side and crossed the Ohio to hit McKees Rocks and the climb up to the first rest stop at Chartiers Playground.

It was 10am and we were 30 km in. The sky was heavy overcast, but the sun had broken through the clouds for a few seconds. It wasn’t warming up much, but my gear kept me warm everywhere except my face. My biggest concern was for my 5½ year old bike GPS, whose feeble battery could barely hold a charge in the cold. Fortunately, I’d brought along two portable chargers to see me through.

The second leg caught almost all the neighborhoods in the South Hills, which was the lumpiest portion of the route, causing the group to start rubber-banding a bit. That meant the pace was very gentle, with lots of brief rests while the slower riders caught up. People usually begin dropping off near the second rest stop, so a few riders said goodbye at that opportunity.

We reached that halfway stop in Allentown at 12:25pm with 60 km done. At 10°C, I felt it was warm enough to strip the arm warmers underneath my jacket, as well as my skull cap. At this point, the ride had been so relaxed that I began to entertain the idea of riding the extra 40km to finish my sixth imperial century of the year.

In the third leg, we finished off the South Hills by illegally crossing some active rail lines, taking the GAP bike path through Hays and down to Lincoln Place, then crossing the Monongahela River. But as soon as we did, one rider flatted, which provided an unplanned 20-minute delay. That was followed by the familiar but long climb up Hazelwood, the screaming descent down Forward, and the short gravel hike-a-bike through Frick Park along Nine Mile Run to our final rest stop, which had been relocated due to January’s Fern Hollow bridge collapse.

It was 2:40pm, and we’d covered 89 km. The clouds were starting to way, and the temps had reached a still-chill 12°C, and would only go down from here. We lost a couple more people, but gained the three that were left in Jake’s fast group. My bike GPS had finally exhausted my first portable charger after five full charge cycles, so I swapped to the second.

The final segment is always something of a cluster. It amounts to a hilly circle and a half of the inner city, and many exhausted riders simply peel off toward home whenever it’s convenient, rather than completing the full ride. And the few who remain require frequent regrouping and ad hoc rest stops. Along the way I finally took off and stowed my heavy gloves.

The chaos was compounded by construction and a route change occasioned by the absence of the Fern Hollow bridge, which was formerly part of the route. On top of that, my bike GPS wouldn’t navigate any farther, because it had exhausted its route storage of 200 waypoints; so instead of helping navigate, I was glued to the ride leaders for the rest of the ride.

Finally nine weary riders pulled into the finish at Arsenal Park at 5:16pm, having covered 123 km and climbed 1,788 meters in 9¼ hours. Post-ride chat was amicable but brief, as people looked homeward. With the clouds mostly gone and sunlight fading, I made my own farewells, hoping to squeeze out another flat 40 km to complete my imperial century. I was going to be cutting it close…

Actually no, I wasn’t. I still had 15 km to go when the sun set at 6:51pm, and I didn’t pull into our driveway until 7:35, after more than 12 hours of riding. But before then I covered the bike paths out to the Penitentiary, then the jail trail, Panther Hollow, and the always-frustrating final climb back up to Squirrel Hill, the latter in complete darkness with no headlight. But I was happy to complete my sixth century of the year.

Despite riding 100 miles and climbing over 2,000 meters, the casual pace had conserved my strength, and most of my aches weren’t from over-exertion but simply accumulated time in the saddle.

The Every Neighborhood Ride is one of Pittsburgh’s best and most unique cycling events. You’re usually in a small group of companions, all working to overcome this city’s profoundly ill-conceived topography. And it’s unique among group rides in that you’re with that same set of companions for seven, nine, maybe twelve hours, chatting, encouraging, and getting to know one another. That, plus congenial ride leaders, makes ENR one Pittsburgh ride that I’ll miss when I move on from here. It was nice to come back to it after three years away, and it was a nice and easy – if very long – day out.